Preparing to Be a Husband

I had a conversation, with several single young Christian men, which started with one of the young men lamenting that he's in his late 20's and still single. The other guys chimed in, each asking in their own way, why hadn't the Lord allow him to find someone to marry, yet?

They were stunned when I said, "I know."

I explained that there's only two possible reasons that they are single.

The first is that God had called them to live a life of singleness.

The second is that they are not ready to be husbands.

And the way to determine if they are called to a life of singleness is by the following verses:

1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

If you burn with passion then you don't have the gift of singleness.

With that, all the guys agreed that they do not have the gift of singleness.

So I said, "Then the answer, to why you are not married, is that you are not ready to be a husband."

Of course, they all contested my assertion that they are not ready to be husbands.

So I asked, "Do you know how to love your wife?"

Before they answered, I quickly asked, "Do you know the definition of the word 'love'"?

Just as one of the guys started to open his mouth to answer, I added, "Love is a verb"

A verb is an action word. You do something when you love.

In fact, it is a transitive verb. i.e., The subject of the sentence does something to the object of the predicate when the subject of the sentence loves the object of the predicate.

If Jack loves Jill, what does Jack do to Jill?

Then I cited the following verse:

Ephesians 5:25-27
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Here we are not just talking about the husband having warm and fuzzy feelings for his wife.

What does love mean in this context?

Silence.

Let's look at all the famous love verses in the Bible.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

These are all examples of love. What do they have in common? What are these all example of?

Suddenly, the light bulb turned on for one of the guys, "Sacrifice! The verses are all about the sacrifice of one's own interest."

Love is putting what's best for the other ahead of what is best for oneself.

So I asked, "So, are you ready to put what is best for your wife ahead of what's best for you?"

They all nodded, "Sure, I'm ready to die for my wife if I have to."

Really? Let's say that your wife has a church event at the same time as the Super Bowl so that she would not be able to take your child to the soccer game that is at the same time. Are you ready to sacrifice your need to watch the Super Bowl and take your child to the soccer game in your wife's stead?

One of the guys laughed and said, "I'll just bring my portable TV with me to the soccer game."

The other guys laughed in agreement.

I shot back, "Would you really be loving your child if your attention is not fully on the soccer game?"

Would you be putting what's best for your child ahead of what's best for you, if your attention is divided between the soccer game and the Super Bowl?

The laughing immediately stopped.

I think we can safely say that you guys are not really ready to truly love your wife and children as the Bible describes.

But let's say that you are, so that we can go on to the next criteria.

What are you doing for the Lord?

One of the guys asked, "What does that have anything to do with being prepared to be a husband?"

I answered with another question, "Why did God give Adam a wife?"

And then I cited the following verse from Genesis.

Genesis 2:18
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

God gave Adam a wife to be his helper.

So if you are doing nothing for the Lord and you ask Him for a wife, it would be like saying:

Lord, I'm doing nothing, would you give me a helper to help me do... NOTHING.

BTW, the "helper" role is not a less important player. The Hebrew word for help(er), in Genesis 2:18, is ezer. It's where we get the name Ebenezer (1 Samuel 7:12). Eben means stone and ezer means help. Ebenezer is the stone erected by Samuel to commemorate God's help. Do we say that God is a less important player in our lives since He is a helper? Of course not!

One final criteria to consider.

Are you ready to be a spiritual leader?

Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

Do you know what is the original sin?

One of the guys answered, "It's being disobedient and eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. But what does that have anything to do with anything?"

So, I asked, "Who ate first?"

He answered, "Eve"

Then, I cited the following verse:

Romans 5:12-15
Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned— for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come. But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God's grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many!

And I asked, "Yes, but who brought sin into the world? Adam or Eve?"

Silence.

The original sin was Adam's failure to display spiritual leadership and stop Eve from eating from the forbidden tree.

Are you prepared to be a husband?

Are you prepared to love your wife as the Bible described?
Are you currently serving the Lord and need help doing so?
Are you prepared to be a spiritual leader?

Are you prepared to be a husband?

p.s., One of the guys, the joker, asked, "Well, how do you know that it's us being unprepared to be husbands and not the women being unprepared to be wives?"