A Personal Note

Those of you, who are my friends in real life (i.e., not just through the virtual reality of the internet), know that my dad had a heart attack and passed away several years ago and that my mom had a stroke from the stress of my dad's passing. You also know that my mom's stoke caused her entire right side of her body to be paralyzed, because of which I've reduce my working hours to three days a week in order to take care of her.

On Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, I work eight hours (during which a nursing tech takes care of my mom), and I watch my mom during the remaining sixteen hours. My mom's doctor appointments and therapy sessions are on Thursdays and Fridays. Saturdays, I do the shopping and other chores. Sundays, I watch my mom the whole day.

I had hoped that the Lord would have healed my mom by now but, for whatever reason, He has chosen to not do so despite my daily prayers for my mom's healing.

These past several years of twenty-four hour days are starting to take their toll and, these days, I'm starting to ask the Lord for reasons. It's especially tough since, before my mom's stroke, I had the opportunity to travel all over the world and now I'm confined within walls of my own home.

So each day, I cling to the opening verses from the Epistle of James.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

It got tougher, a couple of weeks ago when I contracted a very bad case of the flu. It sapped most of the energy from my mind as well as my body. Though exhausted from the flu, I still have the responsibility of taking care of my mom.

I just put my mom to bed and have a little bit of time to pray and contemplate. And in this moment of stillness, I once again receive a greater appreciation for the love of the Lord.

I love my mom and, for her, I chose to put my life on hold and care for her. However, I love my mom because she, first, loved me.

Yes, these are tough times, but what is my trial compared with the suffering of Christ? How much greater is His love for us that He was willing to endure the agony of dying on the cross for a world that didn't love Him?

Tonight, I received a small portion of His answer, but just a small portion.

Philippians 3:10-11 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

I've yet to fully understand the "power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his suffering".